Q. What do you call money that grows on trees? A. Weed!
Q. How many stoners does it take to screw in a light bulb? A. None. That's why they got a lighter.
Q. How many stoners COULD it take to screw in a light bulb? A. We don't know yet, we keep falling off the chair!
Q. How many potheads does it take to change a lightbulb? A. Who cares, dude? It was too bright anyway, now pass the bong.
Q. Why did the stoner cross the road? A. Who else would follow a chicken?
Conversation: Stoner #1: Ask me if I'm a duck. Stoner #2: Are you a duck? Stoner #1: No
A group of stoners walk into a bar. One of the guys tells the bartender to line up a row of drinks for all of them. The guys lift their glasses and toast, "Here's to 51 days!" and they proceed to down their drinks. Once again, they tell the bartender to "line 'em up", and again they toast to 51 days and down their drinks.
The bartender said, "I don't get it. Why in the world are you toasting to 51 days?"
One of the stoners explained, "We just finished a jigsaw puzzle that had written on the box 2-4 years and we finished it in 51 days".
A cop pulls over a car full of stoners. The cop goes up to the car and the driver rolls down the window and the cop said '"Congratulations! You have won two thousand dollars for wearing your seat belt!" The driver says, "Oh, I thought you pulled me over for not having a license!" Then the driver's girlfriend says, "Don't mind him, he's always paranoid when he's stoned." Then a friend in the back seat says, "I thought you pulled us over for this pound of weed over here!" Then another friend from the back says, "I thought you pulled us for this stolen car!" Then the cop hears someone in the trunk say, "Are we over the border yet man?"